Jesus himself felt abandoned by his Father at the end of his earthly life, and He also struggled to pray. I would think that means that you are in some good company.
You think that you are sick in your spirit and maybe physically and mentally too. Please talk to a clergyman, your priest or minister right away. He/she is trained and educated to lead you back to that place of love and acceptance that Jesus has for all of us. His love is unconditional.
Your depression is a real thing too, and a medical doctor is who I talked to during my dark days. That big black dog was always with me, I couldn't shake that sadness that covered everything in my life. My doctor knew how I felt and was able to help me. It wasn't immediate, and I had to do some work too, but the day came when I knew I was better. I was sober too - funny how that works, right?
That day will come for you too, Jeepr. Believe that it will, and do your part. He is always with you.