I'm sorry you are going through this, and I guarantee you that picking up the drink or the drugs is not the solution; however, I believe you already know that. I know in my own experience, nothing makes someone even further away and seperate from others as when you are soaked to the gills and your mind is just being whittled away by alcohol or drugs.
Also, in my own experience, HP works through people, and in order to feel "one of many", I had to reach out to the many. I had to ask my HP to take the fear from me, but it was up to me to take action by reaching out to others when stuck.
Being "stuck" sucks the energy right out of you, making the true solution seem unattainable, but I'm telling you, it is possible. You need to know when to pull your foot out of the stinking mire and move forward. When I lived in the "can't" or "won't" mode of thinking, the results were "I didn't", and I stayed right where I was.
You have many who surround you that care - find gratitude in that
What else can you do today to get your foot pulled out of the mire? The two black and white choices you listed are not the only choices you have. I agree with others that a physical with your doctor is a good start.
A farmer can pray for a bumper crop, but he still needs to do some work with the hoe.