Welcome to SR.
I'm sorry you have found it necessary to find us, but perhaps we can help.
Originally Posted by
makeupmymind 
Here's my problem. He's not dependent on alcohol. That's become quite clear.
Welll, your problem as I see it is that he has abused you when he is drunk. You wrote: he is "
a mean, emotional person when drunk, and he's never hurt me but he's pushed me, gotten in my face, and slapped me once."
That's abuse in my book. And he just happens to be drunk when he does that? There's an issue with alcohol or something right there.
I'm not qualified to decide if your husband is an alcoholic and neither are you. For me, the fact that he has abused you when drunk is something that needs to be dealt with.
Others will be along later with their experiences. Read the sticky threads at the top of the page in the meantime.
Your life sounds scary and full of anxiety and fear. I'm sorry. I've been there. So have many other people on this board.