makeupmymind

I've been married for 5 1/years. My husband is a binger who can go pretty long stretches without an issue and then boom, he's on a weekend or days-long bender. He doesn't drink at home or around me whatsoever. It's when certain social occasions come up and I'm not with him. When he drinks, there is no off-button and it gets ugly, and he gets into trouble. I've never seen anyone quite like him drunk. He's a mean, emotional person when drunk, and he's never hurt me but he's pushed me, gotten in my face, and slapped me once. We're talking black-out drunk. It's like he's been invaded by an alien when he's like that, which I do not like, and is why if there's ever any slight inkling he could drink, I take the kids and go to my parents'.

Here's my problem. He's not dependent on alcohol. That's become quite clear. His problem is the occasional slip-up where he tries to be like one of the guys and all hell breaks loose. He is home every night, doesn't go out anymore really, he's just with me and the kids if he's not at work. The last bender happened when an old friend came to visit. That was months ago, and he hasn't drank or had any binges since. The sucky part is he is a happy guy, extremely hard-working, great with our two kids, and supportive of me (loving and sweet) 99.999% of the time. He has made a ton of changes over the last few years, and avoids having much of a social life, I think due to his fear of being pressured to drink. We did marriage counseling last year, which he went into really openly, and things have been good. We've been this happy family unit.

Now, any time that rare occasion comes up where alcohol will be present and I won't, I freak OUT. I imagine him drinking and me losing all faith in him, and me leaving with the kids. I see our life being ruined and the kids being hurt by his problem. We have two boys, who are crazy about their dad. After the history we've had, I feel like I can only avoid this anxiety if he doesn't leave my sight and that's not healthy at all. But I worry. A lot. I have other issues with anxiety that I've always had, but this is next-level. Should I break up our family? I don't know that that would be good for our kids, either. They don't see us fight and they've never seen him actually drunk. They just know "happy" dad.