Jeeper, Depression was mentioned in a post above and I want to second that. Often when folks become depressed they feel like nothing will ever get any better. I know, I’ve been there. Depression has an odd way of twisting our thinking. From your post it sounds like the emotion is affecting your view of nearly everything. That’s what happened to me. I would self-medicate with alcohol and eventually I had two rather nasty problems. Go in for an evaluation. Please. There is a lot they can do to treat depression. There is no need for you to feel as low as you do now. It CAN change… as impossible as that may seem to you now.