I am too tired to do more work. i think prescriptions or drinking is only choice at this point. I never understood the void thing everyone talks about, i try to find it but can't, i just need stuff for me to be outgoing enough to socialize. I so confused i don't know which way is left or right and i just am loosing more and more energy/will power as life goes on. I don't care to fix myself. I don't want to dig deep and do steps. One week i care for other people and the next i could care less. Comparing my life to others less fortunate doesn't work cause i don't care about others and only myself when down.
Meetings are good for most, they just make me worse most of the time, i feel so different from everyone. I did drugs to fix how i felt and continued to be introverted as i didn't need them anymore. Most people did it to party i am the most alone person i know.
I hate posts like this that are so negative just what i am truly feeling tho. Maybe i am truly a psychopath every other week or something?
My vision of god is not good obviously, i think when someone said that god could tolerate the swearing and cares for me still is great advice, but i cannot think of that stuff on my own. I feel God abandons me when i am this low.
Sorry for the rants.