I'm sorry to hear of everything you've been through Ken. It is absolutely right that you just concentrate on yourself right now. What happens with your relationship is something which isn't the most important thing right now. Your sobriety is. I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic partner once, it wasn't fun, and you're right, there isn't any excuse, no matter how much you try to justify it at the time.
Look after yourself x *Hugs* x