First, let me thank everyone who has continued to share their experiences with me. You all have been extremely helpful.
On Friday at the Christmas party he could tell I had something on my mind so I finally told him that I had his Xanax. His first response was, what Xanax? (out of all the responses I'd envisioned, I wasn't prepared for that one) He said that he didn't even know he had any and I was so disgusted by this answer that I just dropped the subject (plus we were at a party). After he had some time to think about it he said that he knew where I'd found it, but maintained that he forgot he had it. Okay, fine.
My BF is a drummer and also had a show this same night. I originally had no intention of going because the travel plans were not ideal (involved taking a train back at midnight), but it was the first show he's played since being straight and as you can imagine, there are many, many triggers at a rock show in a bar. I asked him a couple of times if he wanted me to go and after a while he said that he was probably going to need my help tonight and so I went. He was very appreciative and thankful for my help and at one point said "I don't deserve you". He ultimately he played the show and drank diet coke on stage. I thought it was a good night, but it was still nagging me that I didn't really have answers about the Xanax.
Today, Saturday, he came home from work and was sullen. He sat on the couch watching TV and seemed bored. I asked him about it and he said that he was feeling anxious today and that his body is still adjusting to being clean. My thinking is that he wasn't enjoying watching TV without smoking a bowl. I think he's also having difficulty at his job because he works in a casual environment with all musicians and he mentioned that they were doing whip-its in the office today (weekends are mostly unsupervised and yes, this is a terrible environment for him). I feel sorry for him when I think about how hard this must be for him, but I digress.
I was annoyed with him for being depressed today because I've started to pack for my move and I could really use his help, but so far he's pretty disinterested in the whole thing. I asked him again what he was doing with the three Xanax and I got slightly more info. Apparently, he got five a few weeks ago, but doesn't remember where or when he took the two. He also doesn't remember where I was when he took them. I hate when he bullshits me like this. I also told him that I'm angry with him for all of the times he told me that he didn't have any money yet he was spending almost $200 a week on weed. Meanwhile, I'm buying groceries, cat food and sometimes paying to go out to eat. God, I sound like such a sucker!!! I explained to him was Nar-anon was and he thinks that since he's seeking help from a group then maybe I should too.
I guess that's my question for tonight. Do I need to go to meetings for myself? I know I'm not dealing with someone who has a severe addiction, but it's strong enough that he's having trouble being straight and it's caused him to deceive me. I cannot get him to tell me the full extent of his lies and I really want to know. Am I expecting too much from him at this point? I sort of feel like I am.