Hey Jeni26. It's a tough one.
I got sober with help from a rehab, and couldn't have done it on my own - but we all have our own route and if your hubby's decided for himself that's more important than any specific plan or method.
But since then I've had anger issues and ... don't know really. Looking back, what got me really steamed was that the world wasn't behaving like I thought it should. "Why has that bus stopped right on the pedestrian crossing WHEN THE LITTLE GREEN MAN IS LIT UP??!!" (a little bit lol at actually standing in front of the bus not letting it move so I could shout at the driver some more and inconvenience him like he (hadn't actually) inconvenienced me).
It was frustration at myself looking back, that I wasn't the way I wanted to be. At my own faults, which I transferred onto everything and anything except the appropriate place. My own imperfectness. It was like I'd managed to stop drinking, so I should be able to change myself to exactly how I wanted to be. Which is, of course, impossible. I'll never be the person I dream of being, and it was only when I managed to start laughing at myself things got more... manageable. (Warning: I'm not suggesting you should just laugh at him!)
But being human is imperfection. (And I bloody promise you, being this human is proper imperfection!) And the difference between the perfection I expect of myself, and the inevitable imperfections that result... it can be amusing, even to myself as I'm being an ass (well, about three minutes afterwards).
One time at uni I was prepping an assignment on the top floor, and there was a couple chatting about their love life at the next desk. So I glared at them with my grrrrr face, and said very deliberately so the whole floor could hear: "Excuse me, this is the silent study area." To which the reply was "No, that's the floor below." Cue hasty exit.
Dunno. Maybe see if he can find the funnier side of life? It's not easy, and it can be pretty brutal sometimes... but it doesn't half undercut the angry side.