My XAH also wanted me very involved in his recovery once he started down that path. I had pointed him toward this forum at one point as another source of support in addition to AA (and not me) because he complained that he wasn't getting enough feedback at AA. I told him that I supported him, but that I couldn't be the one who helped him because I had no idea what he's going through. He needed to talk with professionals and other RAs for feedback and advice. I told him to not call me.
He ignored me, and proceeded to send me long emails sharing his every mood. He also shared with me his handle on SR so that I could read his threads and learn more about his recovery. I am proud to say that I never looked him up on here, although many times I was tempted. We should all feel free to express ourselves on here without fear of someone taking advantage of our vulnerabilities. And, I think that only happens when you are able to share anonymously.
The thing is, I do believe that I couldn't help him despite how much he tried to convince me otherwise. I lack the skills and understanding with this one. He eventually decided he didn't want to try to recover our relationship. Whether that was because he was overwhelmed by the challenge of earning my trust back, or he decided I was unsupportive... I don't know. What I can say is that I took every opportunity to tell him he was loved and that I thought he was an amazing talented person. And, I always encouraged him to find people who would understand him better than I was capable at that time.
What I think is... He was so fixated on proving to me that he was different. His recovery was "easy" and "accelerated". He was so much better that his therapist couldn't think of anything else to talk to him about. He wasn't like all those other people in AA. When he started reading on SR, he visited F&F. He told me, "I'm not as bad as those other As!" Well, why don't you ask my opinion on that one? Anyway, all I heard was "quack." Because he's not really that different. He just wanted to believe he was, and to convince me, so everything would go away and be good again. I think when he's willing to face his addiction for himself (not just because I left), he will reach out more to those that can really help him. I hope he's there now, but I don't know.
Well, I'm sorry this is a downer of a share. This is my experience with supporting him, but refusing to take part in his recovery. I think it was the right thing to do. I felt like I was truly accepting the situation as it presented itself, without letting my Codie emotions steer me. He could not accept that, and so our relationship is broken.
I truly hope your experience is better.
Take care,
Fathom