Thank you for your words of support!! I went to alanon in the past and started going again last week.
The crazy thing is the last time he relapsed he was going to a meeting every night. I have asked him so many times how he was taking pills and going to meetings at the same time. He says he felt guilty every night. It makes me realize he was not working the program instead he was just going through the emotions.
You are right that I know the signs and I need to take heart in the fact that he is trying. I want to so bad and I can most of the day. But then when he calls at night I immediatly get pissed. I know I am not being fair to his recovery and maybe I am trying to save myself the heartache if it happens again by not believing in him in the first place. I tried tonight to explain to him why I am angry and that I don't want to be I just don't know how not to be. He seems to understand or at least want to.
To top everything off he stole all of the pills from my dad who needs them. This was not the first time but the third. We are very close to my parents and now they are so pissed at him and I can't blame them. It bothers me that my family may never be the same again and then I feel I have to stand up for him when they are being mean (which they have every right becuase I am being mean) and that in turn pisses me off at my husband.
Damn ADDICTION!!!!! I am going to write a letter to it and tell it what I think of it!