This is my first time posting on here however I have been reading posts for quite a while. My husband is an addict and I have some serious co-dependence issues. About 7 months ago I found my husband OD and had to do mouth to mouth while waiting on the ambulance. I thought that would have been the worst case senario. Little did I know then that it was just the beginning. I knew there had been a problem in the past but did a great job with denial. The OD was the quickest way out of denial for me.
My husband starting an intensive outpatient program, I went weekly to family night, alanon, and individual therapy. I listened to everything that was said and took it all in. During this time I can now see how my husband was just going through the emotions. He was not active in his recovery except to do the minimum. He relapsed at the end of the IOP for about 48 hours. He really only stopped because I found out and told his therapist. He continued with the program, going to meetings, etc.. and was sober again for about 80 days.
Then I had to have a major surgery and he choose that time to steal some of my pills; which were locked up. At this point the therapist wanted him to go to a half-way house so that he could see all he had to lose. I was not a fan of the idea because I could barly function at the time and needed him home to help with the kids, house, and cleaning. Ironically, through all of his addiction he has been there physically for me and the kids, helped out, never missed anything important, but I know he has not been there emotionally for me for a long time. I have tried to make excuses in my head like he is just not that kind of person, or who really wants a husband who is always all over them. HELLO!!! That is what we all want! We want to feel special and loved yet I have somehow come to accept much less for myself.
I would never want either of my children to live this life yet I cannot walk away and am scared to death of being alone. I did however tell my husband that if he relapsed again he was out of the house. I don't think he really believed me because I had said it before but I knew that this time I meant it. I did not know if that meant divorce but I knew that it meant something had to seriously change for me.
Well, guess what?? He relapsed again last week. I knew something was going on and I think I had for about 3 weeks but was not ready to admit it yet. Then one morning I just knew and had enough. I found the pills he had stolen from my dad and told him he had to leave. I did not care where he went but he was NOT staying in our house anymore. He was in shock. The question is was it shock from getting busted, me kicking him out, scared of where to go, etc... It did not matter to me I had finally had enough. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Knowing that I would be alone to do it all with my kids but I realized I would rather do it alone than with someone that wants to put drugs above me and our wonderful kids.
He choose to go to rehab, though I am not sure he had much of a choice
He has been there a little over a week now. He is due to get back at the first of year which means the holidays are going to be very difficult. We are talking nightly but I am so angry all the time. I know and understand it is a disease but that does not make the anger go away. I have decided that when he gets back he needs to go to a local recovery center here that he can live at for about 3 months. He will be able to work (thank god he still has his job and will have it when he returns) and see us at times. But I need to know that he is serious about being sober. I am not sure if you really ever know it but I also need to know that I can do this on my own if need be.
I am attending alanon and therapy. I have an amazing support system of friends and immediate family. His family is not speaking to me but they have never been around in the past so it is not much of a difference.
Anyone that has advice on the anger I would love to hear. How do I talk to him and not be mean? Will it go away?