Sending hugs your way.
It has been over a year since my divorce, it took me three years of separation to get the divorce so I am a slow learner. Actually I have many thoughts that my XAH would sober up and all would be fine.
In the days since... I have had my moments of drifting back to the good times and am now very practiced at reminding myself there was a reason I went for the divorce.
As someone shared with me... you went into the relationship for positive reasons which do not go away - you left for reasons that no one could argue - lately I have reviewed our relationship with a new lens (as a result of time and getting a new life) and see so much of it more clearly with all the red flags and i shake my head wondering what I was thinking and we all know I wasn't thinking.
I developed a phrase "loving someone from a distance" as a sort of mantra to allow me to feel the love and then recognize the reality. Hoping this helps.