Welcome to the SR family!
You have found a wonderful resource of information and support. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
I believe you have started taking healthy steps toward finding serenity. Alanon meetings, reading, and reaching out for support are all positive steps for you. Good on you!
When I first arrived at SR, I learned about the 3 C's of my husband's alcoholism:
I didn't CAUSE it
I can't CONTROL it
I won't CURE it
It took a long time for me to accept that concept. I was sure my love would be enough to deliver him from his addiction. Believe me, love is not enough to cure another adult of their addiction; if it were, there would be no need for this support group or Al Anon meetings!
Something else that helped me, was I stopped listening to the words of my alcoholic, and started looking at the actions. My alcoholic was a master manipulater, and could tell me what I wanted to hear every single time! I always wanted to believe the next time would be different.
A few other skills my alcoholic mastered:
blame-shifting
denial
lies
gambling
financial irresponsibility
etc
Stick around, we understand!