KRA
Melody Beatty's books "Codependent no more" and "The Grief club" helped me, as well as therapy. I also went as a respectful visitor to AA/ this was way too helpful and made me realize I was not crazy, the addiction is very real. I could feel gratitude for not having been more hurt by the ex's addiction. Any way you see it - caring for an active addict will bring suffering, period. Also, you can miss, and you can still love, if you choose it/ that does not mean you have to act on anything.
The mourning process takes time, in the end there is acceptance and forgiveness/gratitude for the lessons learned. I thought I would never move on but some years later- I have, and life is much better, overall. Be patient and keep taking care of yourself / one day at a time.
You can do this,
Tc999