What he is doing is called:
"Manipulation Quacking"
And it will continue until you and hubby decide that 'enough is enough' and do not
allow him back into your home, until his ACTIONS show that he is actually in re-
covery, working a program and as part of that program is working, is paying his
bills, is making amends on his 'wreckage of his past' etc
There is nothing wrong with saying NO MORE. Heck my parents didn't do that for
me until I was 33 1/2 years old, and when they finally said it, they meant it. NO
MORE CONTACT AT ALL. If I called they hung up, if I came to the door it was shut
in my face, and if I had ever tried again to steal from them they would have called
the police immediately.
It still took me another 2 1/2 years to find recovery and the last 1 1/2 years I lived
on the streets of Hollyweird.
It was only after I had been sober for a few years that I could talk about this with my
Mom, and she explained to me that had she and Dad and the rest of the family not
done that, that all of them were headed for toward being locked up in straight
jackets in a padded cell. I was literally (my actions) driving them insane.
I in turn told her with love and sincerity that:
I thanked them with all my heart, that it was the BEST THING
they had ever done for me!
I meant it, they saved my life!! It did take until I was almost 3 years sober before I
was starting to feel like I was earning back their 'trust.' And I understood that, with
my sober and clean mind, I knew that if I had been in their shoes, I would have done
the 'exact' same thing. And over the years I have had to do the 'exact' same thing
to several A's in my family and to some sponsees that I had really grown very fond
of.
I have talked with many over the years, and one thing I have noticed is that those
that have had the same thing happen to them, with NC with their family and/or
parents, that when they finally did find recovery, they seemed to STAY in recovery
and they too thank their families for doing what was needed for the family members,
and letting the addict find their way on their own.
I applaud you for:
"It's gotten to the point that at 18, we are strongly considering kicking him out
at his first relapse (even for pot) as we both feel like we are prisoners in our
own home and don't trust him with any of our stuff. "
Remember we are here for you, and we are all walking with you in spirit.
love and hugs,