Do I have self control?
I have relinquished my insane desire to control reality!
Yesterday I was firmly in the drivers seat of my reality.
There are many many days where I am the passenger.
The problem with the notion of control.... its automatically implied that I can be out of control.
And I never know when I am. Or when I am not.
So being a computer geek... If I have an unreliable variable then I must consider it false.
If I cannot have control 100% of the time then I have to conclude I have none.
Is this over thinking. Hell yeah it is. Lol.... that's just me.
My weekends are getting easier. You know why?
Because I am putting energy in finding what I can do. Cook. Movies. Walks. Exercise. Friends.
And stopped giving the energy to avoiding things. Drinking. Cocaine. Bars. Drug dealers.
If this feels like I am saying I am the "P-word", then I am.
But I have ways... Control... Power... Desire... To do many things, save one.
I will gladly hand over the control of the universe back to the gods. I didn't want it anyway!