Moderation is non-existent for me
I thought a few months back I could grab a pack of beer and savor the taste as I had over the years in moderation. After a week sober I felt really good and thought I could just have a few. “Who am I trying to kid?” That has NEVER worked for me, nor will it ever work for me. At first I was able to control the drinking to a couple beers a night, go to bed and wake up well rested with no repercussions. It was awesome I had that form of control over my alcohol consumption.
This well planned routine worked well for a couple weeks then I slowly increased the intake and started drinking earlier each day. Soon many things were neglected around the home like laundry, keeping the kitchen and bathroom clean or having the energy to take a shower.
The next stage was seeing the rotting food in the refrigerator every time I grabbed a beer because food was not necessary. Then the sleep pattern went off course and could only sleep a few hours at a time. Laying there restless with the inability to fall back asleep, I decide to get up and have a beer and smoke. As a true alcoholic, there is no such thing as just one and would continue drinking way after the sun came up. I was a mess and ashamed at the same time but that’s ok because I would just go sleep it off.
Well, that wasn’t so cool either since as soon as I’d wake up again, I’d head right to the beer supply take inventory while I pop one open and plan my next beer run hidden behind dark glasses and hair pulled back because of my appearance. This daily routine went on for the last week up until last Friday and refused to make that beer run.
It’s going to be a tough next day or two but I know deep down that I cannot drink and will hold to it. Once I rid the toxins from my body I won’t find the urge to drink since I’ve been down this road before. I have tried meetings but they made me depressed and frankly almost drove me to drink. Finally, I need to be in control of any stressful situations in the future and not let those cause me to fall week to alcohol.
Thanks for letting me express my thoughts and the awesome support I receive from each and every one of you!