While I'd like to think I have perfect acceptance, and my close to 30 years of working the 12 steps have elevated me to near sainthood, it hasn't. I still get annoyed. And it happened again at a meeting tonight. I didn't get a chance to share, and I'm sure that's my HP looking out for me, but I decided I'd write here, and vent a bit. Perhaps get some other's views on the same topic.
In my area, NY, meetings are frequently visited by people many label Big Book thumpers (or nazis). While I try my best to realize the good they can bring to AA, they often wind up annoying me, and whenever they do I try to uncover exactly why. What it comes down to more often than not is that I basically feel some (not all of them) are spreading a message that is more harmful, than helpful. And they're incredibly convincing about it. I've noticed that a lot of these people are incredibly articulate, have a lot of charisma, and have their dialogue so well rehearsed that it becomes very, VERY, convincing. Tonight's particular rant is one I've heard too many times now, and I feel I need to air my $.02 about it.
It goes something like this. Bill Wilson laid out exactly how to work these steps in the Big Book. There is no reason to search anywhere else or try it any differently as this a clearly stated simple spiritual program, that works. All the answers are in the book, and you need look no further, nor listen to anyone that tells you anything outside of that book. I'm paraphrasing, but this is the gyst of the message. Also, if anyone is having problems that don't relate to NOT DRINKING, then AA is not the place to share about it. AA is to help people stop drinking, through the spiritual program laid out in the book. Not fix relationships, help people get jobs, etc. That stuff needs to be shared with a therapist, sponsor, or at some other type meeting, but at AA we share about recovery.
They say this stuff much better than I just did, but that's the basic message.
First. At any time I was hurting during my sobriety, I took it to a meeting. When I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, I shared the details. When I struggled with quitting smoking, I talked about it. When I was having tenant problems, I did the same. When my 21 yr old cat dies, people in AA will know about it. When I share exactly what's going on, it serves many purposed. Most importantly for me, it opens me up to rooms full of people who may have experienced the same. And then they can share their experience strength and hope on how they got to the other side. They may not have the direct answers I need, but they can often share a spiritual way of looking at things that I myself might be too beside myself to see. When I was 5 years sober, sharing about a particuarly bad relationship led me to a sponsor that taught me an enormous amount about staying sober through anything, and growing from the experience. As opposed to becoming resentful or remorseful. The sponsor I had before him couldn't really help much with that particular issue.
More than that, my experience shows others REAL LIFE experiences that we can work through. And they can gain strength from the fact that with the help of the people in the rooms and the 12 steps, I arrived at the other side. Our experience strength and hope is what keeps this program real, and alive.
This post is getting long... so I'll make the next part short and maybe expand if others kick in. When the Big Book was written, Bill wasn't even sober 5 years. To think that the wisdom in that book can't be improved upon, added to, changed, etc. is unfathomably shorsighted IMO. Yes, it's a solid foundation. But thousands upon thousands of people have now worked and experienced these steps with 10, 30, 50 years of sobriety... and I am going to take their experience to learn from. The people with the above rants are taking the experience of one man, a few short chapters in a book, and spewing that experience and knowledge over and over and over and over. I think it would be much more beneficial for them to share THEIR experience, their trial and errors, and maybe not sound so perfect as they do with their rehearsed banter.... arggh.... yeah, I think you get the idea. I'm done for now. Just wanted to spit that out.
There's lots more.
