I get it. That was me. That is still me. VERY few things have made me cry in the last few months. I'm not sure I shed any tears at all from April through August - for me, my XAH, or anyone else for that matter. I left last November, and I was a mess back then! The thing that makes me cry now is that I left without my cat.
The thing is, I'm not really over it. Back in April, i finally figured out that I needed to focus on myself and let my XAH worry about himself. I had a lot to do to get the pieces of my life to fit back together again. So, I did that, and I felt pretty numb to anything that wasn't immediately requiring my attention. When I would start to feel angry or sad about something, I would ask myself, "is this life-threatening to me or someone I love?" The answer was always no. So, if it wasn't urgent, it didn't need my attention. I started to feel like the last ten years were lived by someone distantly related to myself. Like, somehow, I ended up with all of her memories. It felt very surreal.
Now that things are calming down somewhat, and I'm settling in to a stable life of my own making... Things pop up. My guard is down, and something reminds me of something, and then I feel sad, or confused, or annoyed, or angry, or disappointed. Well, I'm learning that I only process emotions when I'm ready to. I had too many to deal with at first, so I had to put a cap on it until I was stronger. Now that I'm feeling more secure, I understand that part of truly moving on is coming to terms with all the different positive and negative emotions that surround the last ten years of my life with my XAH. I have to own those memories again, but take the time to file them away into neat categories - "good," "bad," "learning opportunity," etc.
Give yourself more time to just be... Neutral. I think that is very healing after the level of chaos we just experienced. Just be. It's a process.
Take care,
Fathom