Thanx
Thankyou all for your replies glad it's not just me (sorry) I know I've made a hash of things and it isn't getting any easier I just keep drinking and no one knows, I have limited friends no family and a kid that has now grown up seeing the worst of me it's the guilt I cant live with.. dont get me wrong I have a bad past as most people do but im so angry about it all iv'e tried hypnotherapy actually iv'e tried everything but all my regrets anger etc doesnt make me stop! thats more infuriating than anything I think so little of myself now im paranoid if someone pays me a compliment... I think im just a person who has had to cope so long alone (moneywise single parent etc) that drink for me has always been my release I have a very high pressured job which believe it or not I am good at maybe I just can't cope with real life I dont know but I've booked myself into a place and maybe I just need someone to listen it might work so here goes good luck to you all and special congratz to those who have ousted this crap xx