lizatola

A dear friend of mine's son died yesterday from a 2 year battle with leukemia. Her son was friends with my son many years ago but the boys haven't seen eachother since ds was around 9 or so. My son remembers going to Evan's birthday parties and the years we all spent doing our homeschool PE at the park every Friday. I have been following their story these past 2 years because my sister nearly died from leukemia when we were kids, too, and leukemia really touches a heart string for me.

Anyway, I told ds yesterday about Evan's death. He cried and then said, "Don't tell dad." I asked why and he said, "He'll probably just say 'good'. Remember how he was right before your dad died last year? When he freaked out and said he didn't want to hear about it anymore and you were crying and he got mad at me?" Yep, how could I forget. My AH threw my dying father under the bus screaming and ranting about how awful a person my dad was and how he didn't want to hear any more updates about how things were going while he was in hospice. I remember thinking, at the time, that I had married a monster.

So, fast forward to this past Tuesday while AH and I were in marriage counseling. He had told me that he didn't want to hear about Evan's updates anymore(he has said this in the past, that he doesn't want updates about people we know who are suffering, but he also complained that he doesn't want updates about my mom, either, because it will always lead to him judging them and me getting upset....well, then stop judging them and just listen to the story...he's not capable) and I chose to bring it up in marriage counseling. I explained that I felt that telling AH about people, things happening in friend's lives, etc was part of sharing in a marriage, a give and take of conversation, etc. He told me it was depressing and then started going off(while with the counselor) about how he doesn't understand how these people afford their vacations around the country and how they can pay for all the stuff they have, including the millions of dollars of medical bills and blah, blah, blah. I tried defending my friend explaining to AH that they weren't vacationing, stupid. They were taking their very sick child around the country to different trials at different hospitals. They were staying in Ronald McDonald Houses, they were living, all 5 of them(2 adults, 3 boys) in a 700 square foot room for months at a time, her husband had to cyber commute to a demanding job. I told AH that when my sister was sick I saw a community pull together, people I had never met came to our door to give us donations, brought us food, etc. I saw real true humanity and caring and love. He seems to think these things don't exist and that he would be on his own if one of us got that sick. He kept ranting and raving about where do people come up with this money to just give it away, where does all the money go for Susan G Komen stuff, etc. Seriously, it was absolute insanity and thankfully the counselor finally stepped in and told him that he needs a better outlet for his anger and that he's wasting too much precious time being angry over stuff that has nothing to do with him. LOL, I've been trying to tell AH this for years, UGH!

Anyway, Evan passed away that night/early AM. AH has been away for business and last night on the phone I couldn't even tell him about Evan's death. I was so angry about the things he said about these wonderful people who now have lost their oldest child. I was angry about how he handled things last year about my dad(even though my dad was an a**, he was dying and I didn't need to hear AH's rants), and I was frustrated that my 14 year old remembers it and now thinks his father doesn't care about human life to the point where he doesn't want me to tell dad about this child's death!!! Every time I read Evan's updates and about how he touched people's lives so much, I start to cry, I cry for his family and his mother(my dear friend), I cry for myself and my son because I have to come out of denial and realize I've married someone who really is an a**, just like my father.