I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm very early in my journey on recovering and healing myself. There are many days that the anger and disappointment at him surface; but, I the most angry at myself for staying and allowing this disease to take so much from me. I take it one day at a time and focus more on myself and my own sanity. The most important thing I did was get myself into therapy and focus on what I can change-Me. I read a book once that I felt helped me "How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To". You may want to look into it.