Noone is asking you to take responsibility
No one is asking? Uh, yes, AlwaysGrowing said that I need to take responsibility.
As for the belief that no one can help someone "break thru denial faster," that's not true. About 4 weeks ago, my H unfairly yelled at me on phone, while his brother was in the car with him. His brother was shocked because he didn't know my AH did things like that. His brother calmly, but firmly, told my H that he was completely out of line, wrong, and needed to apologize. The shocking confrontation did "break thru" to my AH and not only did he call and admit that he was wrong and apologize (something that he RARELY has ever done), and since then, my AH has repeatedly said that he was very wrong that day. On his own, my AH would NEVER have come to that conclusion.
Several years ago, my AH used to block my car to prevent me from leaving. When I told his therapist, the therapist "ordered" my AH to stop doing that. My AH told me that his therapist told him that he couldn't do that anymore, and he never did it again. On his own, he NEVER would have stopped doing it...he had been doing it for over 15 years (it had gotten to the point that I was parking my car on the street instead of the driveway or garage to prevent his ability to block my car).
Maybe this wouldn't work for others, I don't really care. In my case, my AH really does respond when 'experts" tell him to "do or not do" certain things.
With his current therapist (different from the other one), I don't have any confidence in her. He does have her completely bamboozled. He has been with her for 2 years and she never diagnosed his PD. She's a very sweet lady, but completely underqualified for treating someone who is both an alcoholic and has a PD. During the entire 2 years that he has been seeing her, she NEVER recommended that he go to AA meetings or rehab or anything. She's essentially a paid friend who likely sees him as a weekly client who makes her car payment.
I am "letting go" and focusing on myself. I do go to Al-Anon meetings. The only reason why I was going to Open AA meetings with him was because at that time we were trying to put our marriage back together and he was "new in town" for AA meetings (so to speak since he had been in out-of-state rehab for 2 months). Now, I'm no longer interested in doing that. Because of his Personality Disorder combined with alcoholism, even if he stays sober, his PD will always be too huge of an obstacle. As far as I'm concerned, he's now his relatives' problem. This is what they wanted....lol....as the saying goes, "be careful what you wish for......"