Originally Posted by spacestation

This may make little sense....I know, This is a stupid rant.

Let me tell you, some bad influences when I was a kid. I was programmed to think booze and drugs were AOK, I may tell you of my personal regrettable situation:

These people promoted it to me when I was a kid:

Ace Frehley
Jimmy Page
Jimmy Hendrix
The 60's dope movement
Jim Morrison
Eddie van Halen
80's Head Culture
Brian Jones

The 1st and last were biggies, one lived and one died. All these drug addicts were in my space when I was seven years old. And they had a big influence on my life.

Long and short is I have always had positive reinforcement toward alcohol.
This forum is one of the few against.

And now I after a recent 41 day absence from booze have again thrown in the towel. (few days ago)

I don't know how to live without it. I feel angry that I was led into this at a young age as it was some sort of cool thing to do. NOW read that again as I had no reason other than my teenage idols to think booze was cool.

I heard EVH gave up Val cause he just wanted to be a drunk. And EVH is like my God.

Did I say I felt this was a promoted lifestyle? I learned how to play guitar and idolized the high that gave you, then it was better with some weeed (stopped long ago) but even better with all three, because EVH could do it all and I was 12 years old.

Skip 30 years and I KNOW I'm programmed to love drugs,

And have spent three bad years trying to reverse my love of it.

I don't need to ask why I'm such a bad boozer,

They say A tiger can't change it's spots, I am starting to feel this way.

I spend most of my day in a booze coma, and the end is near with a mountain of bills that , ohhhh, and i have stopped opening mail.

I want to get out, out out out!.

I have a habit of talking to myself like I am someone else? You need to...

see that everything said starts with "i" - Selfish alcoholic.

I am