Originally Posted by
dollydo 
My mother did it with malice and forthought. It was all a matter of control and her own abusive nature. She was always putting the other one down behind their backs, and, we did not share the words, because we did not want to hurt each other. We all know the truth now, took 40 years, but, we are now enjoying the honesty we share, our future together looks bright...in fact we are all celebrating an early Christmas together in 2 weeks...my mother? Sitting by herself, her power is gone.
We were not calculating, we were just abstractly stupid, we didn't understand.
It's interesting to watch my progression as these questions occur to me. I tend not to think my mother does it with malice and forethought when it comes to me, my children, and my siblings...
even though I know it was with clear malice when the same behavior was aimed against my grandfather. She was forever telling us how awful he was, with clear bitterness, hatred, yes, malice, on her face. So why in the world would I think her attitude is any different with me?
She deliberately tried to turn us against certain of our relatives. Why wouldn't she deliberately try to turn my children against me? Why would I ever have believed better of her than what I have seen and known my entire life?
Yes, my mother would also tell me all my older brother's problems. I don't recall her telling me the faults of the younger siblings, but it's why I assume she has spent years telling all the siblings what she thinks of me, too, and you're right, this is why I don't believe
they are as calculating. I believe the older one is, moreso, but the younger ones, I see them as victims in their own way, taught from infancy to believe these things, till it's difficult for them to break free of such thought. They don't understand.