Well, this has been going on for a very long time. Your children are the true victims in this toxic enviornment. Step one in getting your life back in order again might be to not have anymore children with him. He is not in any way, shape or form good parent material.
Have you read Codependent No more by Melodie Beattie? Attended Naranon meetings? If not, I would suggest that you do both. Also take some time to read the stickeys at the top of this forum and the blogs posted by cynical one, lots of helpful information at your fingertips.
It took a long time for you to get into the mess you are in, it won't improve anytime soon, the idea is to work on you, get healthy for your children.
Complete no contact may be in order for you to get yourself back together and find a more healthy path in life.