It sounds like you're wondering what YOU can do to make him stop drinking.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
It isn't because you're not special enough. I'm sure you're special. I'm also sure the impetus to stop drinking MUST come from within the alcoholic.
For 25 years, I did my very best to be a good supportive wife for my alcoholic husband. One day he said to me, "Don't ask me to choose between you and beer. You won't like what I choose." That ended our marriage in my heart. Sadly, I didn't have the balls to leave. The years we had after that were sad and difficult. The only thing that would have made it worse would have been bringing up another generation to think it was okay to act as he did, and okay to accept (or expect) that kind of disrespect and animosity from a spouse.
I have a friend in recovery-has been for 20 years or so. He was diagnosed with depression, too, during his drinking years. I once asked him, did he drink to self-medicate his depression? He said, no. He is pretty sure he was depressed because he drank so damn much. (It is a depressant, after all)
Once he quit drinking, the depression improved. Go figure.
BTW, Late husband's doctor never called him out on his drinking, as far as I know. Don't know if Late hid it from the doctor, or because the doctor wasn't terribly astute.