Robin, I drank for most of my adult life. You have to give yourself enough sober time until your brain starts to reset itself and process the world around you in a sober state. I LOVED hanging out with my friends all night long laughing and being silly. I LOVED going into a strange bar, having a few drinks that loosened me up to talk to everyone around me. However, the price I paid for all the good times...were blackouts, money literally pissed away, hurt feelings for my family. Also I missed my brain! Being able to read books, watch movies, listen to music, have conversations that weren't clouded by booze. At your age, one of the great things is that you can, if you let yourself, reflect on many, many good things, and a clear head will let you remember the good things, and a clear head will let you put the bad things in a place where they belong, where you can reconcile them and find peace. Good luck.