I just want him to come home.
Okay. And what happens if he does? You will be right back in the 'same ol, same ol' life. You will still be with AN ADDICT that is not in recovery.
It is progressive and he will only get worse.
So now is the time to 'work on you.' Now whether you do this by attending Naranon and/or Alanon and/or get some one on one counseling it is time to work on you. You will find out why you are attracted to addiction. You will find out that you are better than that and that you certainly deserve better than a practicing addict. (This goes to the lack of self worth we feel and why, we have to understand it to start feeling better about ourselves).
If he were to come back, NOTHING WILL HAVE CHANGED. He has to want recovery for himself. Then and only then by continuing no contact and only hearing about his 'actions' once in a while will you be able to tell whether he has in fact truly grasped recovery and all the ramifications of recovery.
Your recovery is totally and completely about YOU. Making yourself a more independent woman who thinks very highly of herself. His recovery is totally and completely about HIM.
Also by backing off and staying away, you will give him the 'space' he needs to either work on himself in recovery, or if this is not his bottom to finally reach his bottom somewhere out there.
Please either find yourself some one on one counseling (and if you call around you will find some counselors that specialize in 'addiction' and also have a 'sliding fee scale'.) and try some meetings of Alanon or Naranon, at least 6 different ones to get a feel for which meetings seem more comfortable to you. I mention both Naranon and Alanon because in many areas Alanon is more readily available than Naranon and it is the exact same program for both.
Stick around, we care a lot!!!!
Love and hugs,