Adiratus

Hi

I am student at University and futures trader(COMEX on NYMEX). I realized that i want to be completely sober and mentally stable individual and i do not want to be controlled by any dopaminergic substances or drugs in general. Right now i walk through recovery because i abused Cannabis from June to November, also smoking cigarettes from June to November and i used to drink 1,2 or 3 beers/day from June. Currently i am 8 days clean from any Alcoholic beverage and from Mariujana. I do not drink Coffee because Coffee makes me extremely nauseous and i also feel high level of anxiety from just 1 Coffee.I still smoke tobacco but just until Wednesday which i setup as the last days of smoking and i want to sell the rest of my tobacco(i have still around 800 grams)

I would like to add that i was able to stop smoking Cannabis for half a year in the past but from June it started to go downhill again...I was also able to stop smoking tobacco/cigs for one year but as soon as i started to smoke cannabis again i fell into this nasty habit and i am quite sad from it. Because i relapsed...

Anyway i decided to stop using any addictive substances once and for all and i will do anything to get clean. Right now i am going through withdrawal period. I do not know whether i was heavy smoker from June but i was able to smoke 2 grams of solid Sativa in 5/6 days. Nevertheless, it was enough to change something in my brain because i experience dramatic changes.

Now i would like to describe my withdrawal symptoms and then i will proceed to write about what i am doing practically to overcome withdrawal/fight with unpleasant feelings.

As far as i know, every day is different but definetely i feel anxious. Mornings are the worst. Practically every day i am on rollercoaster - mood swings, one hour i am calm, next hour i am tired, next hour i am irritable, my mind races, i analyze everything, i have problems to concentrate on my school tasks. I feel very unpleasant physical symptoms as well - upset stomach, either i feel i cannot eat anything or when i finally eat i almost vomit...My stomach is very tight(anxiety) and sometimes i feel such tremendous anxiety that nothing helps - nor deep breathing. I also feel headaches, pressure in the head and i noticed that from my ears go away huge amounts of grease. I have sleep disturbances - every night i wake up 2 or three times and i cannot fall asleep until i masturbate which provides me calming effect - i think its because of endorphins release.

Overally its pretty bad because i feel like i did not sleep properly for more than week which is certainly very bad. Sometimes i just feel sense of impending doom or unrecognizable threat or i have bad feelings and thoughts about the future. I had also suicidal thoughts which i tried to stop in my mind immediately.

What i do for my recovery :

I try to eat quality food, think positively, think about the goal when i will be sober, more healthy, focused and more mentally stable. I try to have at least 3 meals per day in spite of the fact that my stomach is protesting on almost everything. For example, 2 hours ago i drank half a liter of fresh grapefruit juice which i squeezed. I try to drink a lot but i feel like i cannot drink i dont know why its just difficult to drink water. I do not drink any caffeine products/energy drinks. I bought many herbal teas and i try to drink them in variations. Currently i drink at least 3 cups(250 ml) of tea per day and these are : Ginkgo Biloba, Schisandra Chinensis, Gotu Kola, Jiaongula, Rooibos, Valeriana offlcinalis. The teas help to ease the symptoms. I also use every day at least 3/4 tablets of Lecithin(1325mg), 3-5 tablets of Omega fat acids(1000 mg), 3-6 tablets of Piracetam(800 mg), 1-2 tablets of Magnesium with vitamins B 1, B 5, B 6, B 9(400mg) and 1 tablet of complex multimineral and multivitamin(1000 mg). I also listen to binaural beat music and i meditate for half hour before sleep 4-5 times/week(Kundalini Meditation) I also exercise 3-4 times per week - i do push ups, go for walks and i squeeze gum circle in my hands.

Now i have questions and i am interested in your honest opinion :

1. Is my withdrawal just because of ceasing of using Cannabis or also is it accompanied by the fact that i used to drink 1/2/3 beers 4-5 days per week ?

2. What do you think about my recovery action plan as i described it above ? My action plan is based on research which i did over the internet and it is also based on my previous experiences when i went through withdrawal

3. Do you think that i should stop meeting any people who smoke either cannabis or tobacco or drink alcohol ? I see the great danger in the fact that many of my friends use illicit substances and also smoke tobacco and drink alcohol. Thats why i relapsed in case of smoking tobacco/Cannabis because after half a year i was out in the city and friend offered me joint. And always when we met again, he offered me the joint(which contains also tobacco). After 5 meetings and 5 joints i asked for the cigarette(relapse)

4. My theory is that i MUST stop ANY addictive substances once and for all though either glass of bear or 1 cigarette raise levels of dopamine in the brain and disrupts critical thinking and thus weakens judgement which directly raises probability of risc-seeking behaviour and using drugs is risc seeking behaviour by itself. And i wanted to do ANYTHING to be sober. Do you agree with me that i should completely abstain from everything ?

5. I would like to hear any tips and words of encouragement how to stay on my path and avoid relapse once and for all because i cannot live with myself anymore like this. When i look at the mirror i was sad from myself that i need to use drugs.

My great inspiration is Mr. John D. Rockefeller who did not use any drugs in his life and became the wealthiest man in human history and lived up to age 98 which is absolutely breathtaking. He NEVER drank alcohol or smoke cigs or used any illicit substance. And i am also into business(futures trading) and i want to accomplish the great things in life and be really wealthy, mentally stable, confident man. I am totally dedicated to my business and i saw clearly how using drugs impairs my judgment and critical thinking and disrupts emotional stability which i cannot stress enough how it is important in the business like futures trading is. 10-20% of sucess is proper analysis but 80-90% of sucess comes from emotional stability and willingnes to avoid emotional urges and sticking to the trading plan. I also want to finish my university educational program in the summer of 2013 and then move to the Australia. I just want to feel myself again and enjoy every moment of life without using drugs. I want to be naturally happy again and achieve as many things as possible.

Thank you all very much for your time and i thank you in advance for the words of encouragement and practical tips/guide.

Matthew(23 years old)