Yo exLibris!
Truly sorry to hear about your situation. Three weeks ago I came home from shutting down my buisiness due to bancruptcy and my wife called me into the den and asked me for a divorce. Not the _best_ timing :-)
Yup, I cried like a baby. Yup, I have felt like a failure. Yup, the whole world sucks and life is downright cruel. Yup, I wanted to hide in a hole and make the pain go away by whatever means possible.
No, I did not drink or use. Just for now. Just for the next five minutes. That's it. That's all you have to do. Just five minutes at a time.
Yes, I called all my friends on the program and cried on the phone. I went to a meeting every day, sometimes two. Posted on this forum so much they were going to run out of disk space. Everybody I know has reached out and let me know they are there for me. Yes, I have survived the "shock", the guilt, the endless wondering "why".
The pain lessens very quickly. The shock wears off fast and you will be able to think and figure out what you have to do. Just get yourself over the next five minutes, that's what works best for me.
No, don't get on the pity pot. Your HP has given you the gift of sobriety for a reason. In a few weeks there will be another guy just like you and me needing someone to tell them it's going to be ok. Get off the pity pot and call your sponsor. Call your best friend. Call the central office and talk to them. Go to a meeting. Read the book. Whatever you do, do _not_ stay home alone and get on the pity pot.
What you are allowed is to live happy, joyous and free. That is what you deserve, but that life is not on the pity pot. It's out there working your program. So get on the phone. Get on the phone now and then post here again.
Mike :-)