Hi, redatlanta
thanks so much for your reply.
Wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot with your AH. Your situation is very similar to mine, except my AB hasn't od'd--- yet. I know that he does not take the pills orally. They come in capsules, he opens them and crushes the white beads & then snorts them. I'm guessing this is probably more dangerous. You describe the "nods" which I believe I've seen a few times. It's hard for me to tell he's on them. His eyes are so dark brown almost black so I can never see his pupils unless the light is right. He drinks about 6 beers a day, all the while going to the bathroom to snort more hydromorph. I know how bad and how dangerous it is for him to be mixing such strong painkillers with alcohol. It never really seems to have any affect on him though. He never acts drunk, incoherent or has trouble speaking. He seems normal. Just that his inner "light" is gone. His "self". He is just neutral all the time. Spends a lot of time playing video games. Our sex life has definitely taken a big hit because of this too. Last night when I returned home after a few hours, he was sleeping on the couch. I knew he would have been doing drugs while I was gone especially. I couldn't get him to wake up. He was passed right out. I could see white powder residue inside his nostrils. I freaked out thy he overdosed so i kept by him for a while but his skin was warm and his breathing normal. Still a scare though.
About a month and a half ago, He was smoking fentanyl for a little while. I caught him and kind of lost it because that's one drug I know you can't f*** around with. He says that it freaked him out and he isn't going to do it ever again. The patches are definitely not readily available to him. He said he came across someone who had them and tried it because it was something he'd never done. Said "but I don't like the way it makes me feel". I have a feeling it's bs. Im not sure if he's even snorting these pills to get high anymore or if its just to keep himself feeling "normal". He's told me his tolerance is high. He genuinely seems like he wants to get off these drugs, I feel he is just too afraid to experience the WDs. He also has warrants for his arrest for missing a court date and so because he is now wanted, i dont think he would want to have anything to do with going to detox or the hospital. It's silly and it's something I'm still trying to convince him otherwise.
He wants to try and quit at home. He's intent on it. I don't think it's going to work.
Meanwhile. I'm working on trying to get my head out of his addiction ad back into my own life. Constantly worrying about his is so draining. I started reading codependent no more and I have a counseling session this evening. Thanks for the well wishes, I hope I can find some clarity.