when my husband got out of rehab, i thought everything might go back to some what of a normal life. that he would say he was sorry and would try to thank me for stepping up to take care of things in the home. i was disappointed that he wanted to work on himself just like your abf. so i started to look to information to help me get him to understand my view point. boy was i shocked to learn he may never see it my way.
as a general rule for every year of addiction it take one month of soberiety for the brain to get to normal chemical levels. so if he was abusing for 10 years you will have to wait almost a year for abf to make a real appearance. in may case my ah only gave himself 30 days of being sober before he fell of the wagon and has never recovered.
i would advise any one whose loved one is going to rehab or in now, read up on how the addict will be be then they come home. the alcholic will be very very emotional on things that would be normal for most people. sex is out of the question for most males because their estrogen levels are high. so that can cause a lot of stress in your relationship, just breath and realize you are in still in the side effects of the addiction.
your anger is very valid and understood by many on sr. but if you want take his advise and let him work on himself and you care this time to take care of yourself. one thing i found out about myself is sadly my ah never asked me to take care of everything I JUST DID. so i set myself up to hold that fact over his head. i really thought i was doing right for my family but i was not aware of my co-dependency. I can not mother my ah but i can let him be himself (NOW). i can thank my ah for grow and find i am a strong person. two years ago i would have been in pieces everyday but now it is only once a month or so.
i have found writing a journal helped me!! i go back and read it looking at how much is focused on myself or him. it becoming more about my welfare and it has made me proud of myself. good luck and understood common friendship!!!