I think my X was both stunted and did some growing. He wasn't drunk ALL THE TIME.
He is more intelligent than average, which probably helped.
Sometimes he was three years old, sometimes age appropriate.
What I needed to focus on when I was in the thick of codependency--and didn't until years later--was that my pain was caused by my own lack of growth during that period. I was so focused on the behavior of the A that I couldn't see the forest for the trees.
My growth was stunted, horribly. I was in absolute misery and pain. It sucked to be ME.
I kept doing the same things over expecting different results. Ergo, I was insane.
I am so glad I don't live "there" in my head anymore. Too bad I had to move out from living with the love of my life to come back to sanity. That, he owns, whether he ever admits it or not.
There is no "finding your own serenity" while living with an alcoholic. That's a myth, imho, told in the big book written during a time when divorce often wasn't even an option, or at a minimum, terribly looked down upon by society.