Originally Posted by
dancingnow 
JMO but if you are getting a divorce you might want to think about what works best for you around the holiday time. Yes it might be fun for your kids but perhaps it is time for you to establish some fun times that don't include having to drive to accommodate your AH drinking.
dancingnow, Most of my friends agree with you on that one. About a month ago, before we had moved out, I had said that I would go to Thanksgiving, and I feel compelled to keep my word. I might have to exercise my right to change my mind on this one. It is just such a strange time and so hard to know how to proceed. I don't know if he is drinking or not (he's definitely not in a recovery mindset, but might be white-knuckling it). I just don't want to take any chances that he might be drinking and driving with the kids. Plus, he's already had a seizure from withdrawal, so let's say binges, then he sobers up for his time with the kids and then has a seizure while driving. That's a grim worst-case-scenario, but sadly, a possibility.
MamaKit, I wish you the best in your divorce proceedings. I'm glad you're staying strong and not appeasing your AH. If he were in his right mind, he would want his wife to be a mama bear and protect his kids at all costs. I tend to be an appeaser too. But I'm getting better at standing my ground all the time. I'm working on carrying that through to all aspects of my life and once the confrontation is over I realize it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.
Florence, I think you are so right about him showing his true colors eventually. I think he's on his best behavior in anticipation of the divorce.
Lillamy, thank you for the tip about reopening the custody arrangements after 18 months sobriety. That's not something I would have thought of. I feel like I need to get more of this kind of info out of my lawyer. As of now, my AH doesn't have a lawyer. It makes me think that he's just going thru the motions of "trying to get the kids" because that's what typical loving dads do. When things don't go his way he can blame me and say that he tried, and then get back to drinking himself to death. So sad.
I'll keep you all updated on the divorce. There's a lot of info to share on this topic. I don't want to regret being too lenient or appeasing. I was duped long enough.
Thanks for all the hugs everyone, they were much needed after this tough week. I hope you all have a great weekend!