He wants to visit his family 3 states away for Thanksgiving. I couldn't let him drive the kids, so I said that I would drive them there, but I would like him to take his own car as well. I'm not thrilled about spending time with his family, but I think the kids will have fun. He has a lot of issues surrounding his family and his worst episodes/relapses seem to happen in relation to seeing/anticipating seeing his family.
JMO but if you are getting a divorce you might want to think about what works best for you around the holiday time. Yes it might be fun for your kids but perhaps it is time for you to establish some fun times that don't include having to drive to accommodate your AH drinking.
My experience is separation from my RAH for two years when he was actively drinking. Holidays were arranged where kids would be with me and he would pick a day/time when he could manage to be with them. He was pretty good about either being at home where there was no driving or not drinking when he travelled to visit relatives.
I think the reality of how drinking affects AH time with his kids needs to set in and until that time why should the non-A accommodate the A time with children. My kids were 9, 13 and 16 and even the 9 year old was told that if he didn't feel comfortable driving with his dad to call me or a friend's mom. It is tough and he had to do it one time and good thing because that was day my AH got a DUI.
I also went for years not knowing about the alcohol but it only gets worse and comes to the a point where you will know and maybe when the blackouts start your AH will take it more seriously.
Hugs to you (((BTC))) take care of yourself as you go through a very stressful time.