Oh boy.
First, don't let your son around her at all. She is not safe around him. I know how hard that is, but it's really better. Second, I do think the sobriety thing is an excellent idea. I am doing that right now, I have been sober for 48 days today. My ABF has 37 days. I decided first, but he never would have gone to rehab and gotten sober if I was still drinking. And I wouldn't ask him too. It is incredibly cruel to someone to sit there and drink all the time when they are trying so hard not to.
You know what I find? I find that I also do not need alcohol to survive, that alcohol also makes my life worse, that maybe all my binges when I got mad at him were sending me down the road to alcoholism. I needed help there too, not just him.
Anyway. I am telling you right now, there is no way you will ever stop your wife from drinking. She has to make that decision. Yeah, she blacks out and passes out and forgets about her son, but why shouldn't she? You are there to pick up the slack, do her dirty work, whatever you want to call it. All you can do is work on your sobriety.
And not drinking is good for another reason-if you go after her for custody, don't you think she is going to say you drink as often as she does? You have a problem just as much as she does? Blah blah blah? You have to prove her wrong if you want to prove her unfit.
Get you and your son healthy. If she wants to be part of the family, she will follow, on her own. If not, then you know your answer. Don't enable, don't hide behind it, don't drink if you don't want her to drink. Alcoholics really hate hypocrites.