Originally Posted by
CentralOhioDad 
I am still keeping a journal of everything she does, so I have exact dates, times, and actions. I wish she would just go away. My HP and I are in close and daily communication, so I'm trying to keep my heart, mind, ears, and eyes open for how He wants me to proceed.
C-OH Dad
Boy did that strike a chord with me. I spent a long long long time wishing that. For me it was a wish that took me deeper into my co-dependency and feelings of hopelessness. Of course I was not here then, or doing any of the recovery work that you are doing.
Trying to be succinct here with a complicated issue so missing some nuances - that wish was held for so long for two reasons.
1) I didn't want to give up. If he would only go away, I could get what I wanted (needed really) without taking ownership or responsibility for any of it. I wanted him to either change or leave but either way - I was making him responsible for fixing my life. It just doesn't work like that. I was giving away all my personal power, which made me feel very very stuck.
2) I did not give myself permission to leave or break up a family unit. I was very invested in the thought that the best and only option *for my family* was to stay married. I confused myself by claiming choice and power for people to do what is best for them etc. etc. but I was not giving myself that choice. It created a great deal of confusion because I was tricking myself into thinking I was making a choice to stay when I wasn't really.
This created one life in my head based on denial, and one in reality and that snowballed. I became very disconnected from myself. Very flat emotionally with everyone, very depressed, the bitterness and resentment became debilitating and resulted in all kinds of chronic stress related physical symptoms as well as compromised my parenting. I lacked flexibility, patience, gentleness, and joy. Stress leaked out in everything I did and in hindsight I can see that living like that was not doing my kids any favors.
I hit a bottom of my own where I had to do something, despite the war in my head regarding the above two issues. Based on my experience I think it would be worth your while to spend some time thinking about those issues to see if and how they might play out for you. How can you create boundaries and personal insight to avoid that pit that I was in for such a long time because one thing is almost for certain - her disease will progress.