even when your partner is not an addict, letting go of the fantasy of the relationship that we build in our own heads is what is hard to let go of. personally i think that we are more scared about not being missed and loved, and validating our thoughts of not being worth being wanted and loved, than walking away from an unhealthy relationship that is, if we are all honest, is not meeting any of our real needs, but filling a void of wanting to matter to someone.
if someone doesnt want us while we are standing in front of them open to be loved, then they are not worthy of us giving it to them when we walk away. if they only realise what fools they are when we leave then then let them work hard at being worthy to come back. not their words (which are empty) but their actions. are they clean, are they in counselling, do they have a job, and they own lives in order, or whatever they need to do to get their life on track. why do we hold our own selfworth so low?
its taken me 30 odd years to realise that i am friggin worth the effort of someone to put the effort in for me, and if they want to be part of my life, then they have to be ready to have high standards for themselves and their actions, and hold themselves accountable for their own actions. thats not my job. my job is to do what is right for me (and my children), and let the person i share my life with, do what is right for themselves. i am not their boss, and if they decide that we no longer work, then although i would be sad (as would they be if i made this decision) i would also know that it just isnt right anymore and its not necessarily about me (and if it is, then that is something for me to work out and address when im ready). it isnt them telling me that i am worthless (which is how i took it and why i fought so hard to win them back because i am worth it but i needed them to tell me that)
letting go is just realising that you are worth more than this person is offering. when you take away the need to be needed, and give that to yourself, you will find that this person is not even giving you that in the first place. you are the one addicted to them coming back and just saying that they cant live without you, without them actually doing anything to prove it. when you find out what the real source of your pain is, letting go and moving on becomes a lot less traumatic, and more straight forward event.