VickiACA

Florence,

I'm a huge fan of CoDependent No More. It has helped me learn a lot about myself and put more perspective on my role in relationships. But I don't think it helps understand how healthy relationships work.

I'm also a fan of Gottman's "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work."

And an even bigger fan of Daniel Wile's "After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship." Be sure to read the back summary chapter.

The biggest lesson I learned from both of these books is that any relationship comes with a bag of problems. And the real question is not whether a relationship will have problems but how the problems will be dealt with.

I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. And so I grew up without healthy relationship models. My mother left my father and found a new husband - but the new relationship came with a new set of problems and trying to blend a step family on top of it all. Not easy stuff.

Best wishes.
Vicki