I hovered and helicoptered, wrung my hands and agonized about leaving until I was exhausted, angry and completely at the end of the proverbial rope hanging on by a string... he was great!!!
Worked out just the way he wanted by playing me like a violin... he would drink himself silly and into trouble and when i started to get to close to leaving he would make approriate mewing noises about recovery (even act on them) but he always, always, always drank again.
Heck... your A isn't making much noise...yet... you will see about face when you start walking out the door! She will probably high tale it to rehab to keep you on the string...
Sometimes the kindest, most effective way to help an A is let them sort out life on their own for a bit... it can bring about a "moment of clarity"...
And heaven knows we sure have earned a "codie vacation"... in fact... I actually vacationed from May until this week and he had 4 relapses during that time! Wow... I didn't even miss a day crying and worrying!
He's back in rehab, did 4 meetings yesterday, at a meeting tonight... he's sober today and 3000 miles from me! I love the guy...but I love the fact that I can love him awful from anywhere and right now that is loooong way from his recovery journey.