Westland

This is my first post. I have been married to an alcoholic for three plus years. She has got worse, is verbally abusive, manipulates situations and people, etc - you know, an alcoholic.

Over the past several months, her drinking has got to the point that she is seriously in danger. She falls down frequently, and yes, hurts herself, and yes, sometimes she blames me for it.

It is not uncommon for her to drink two, three bottles of wine in a day plus a few beers, all starting first thing in the morning. The beast comes out and all hell breaks. She is not a large person, and this morning, I estimated her typical daily BAC which scared me because, let's just say she has repeatedly been in the danger zone.

I was planning to leave, but hadn't told her. Out of the blue, she wants to get sober-which includes tapering from two bottles plus, to one bottle plus, etc.

There is a significant part of me that loves her but this marriage is broke and there is no putting it back.

So, given what I have said, do I follow through with my plan to leave (like this week) and basically undercut her effort to get sober, or do I wait and "help" her by at least not giving her a reason to hit the bottle full throttle?

I feel like I recognize some of my enabling addictive habits and know what I have to do, but there is that voice that says "you can't do this to her right now while she is trying to get sober. That's just cruel! She is going to kill herself drinking."

Frankly, I have read some of the posts about people feeling hopeful when they find their spouse's bottle hasn't moved, but I have to confess, I am not feeling that, but rather the opposite because if I know she is going to hit the bottle again like she has been, I know what to do. I care about her, and I really do want her to succeed, but her attempt at this point is leaving me in limbo.