Is it possible for you to go into therapy or counseling. That might help you tease apart this situation and clarify what might be best for you.
very few of us have the option to get clean and sober in a perfect environment. It seems the majority of us get sober in an atmosphere of lost jobs, wrecked relationships, jail time, abuse and financial messes. It tends to go with the territory.
We can and DO get sober and stay sober and pull our lives back together even in such circumstances. So, I do believe that you can get and stay sober whether you choose to stay or leave at this time.
Please re read your initial post. She is your rock, but your rock is also what is driving you mad.
I was in that place, and it stinks. It was a bumpy road to recovery and it involved pretty much all the aspects you describe in your life, but today I am clean and sober and have more recovery time behind me than I've ever racked up in my life.
As difficult as the "external" circumstances are right now. (though using the term external to describe things that so deeply affect us seems wrong) recovery is primarily an inside job. We choose, and then practice addressing life differently. We can start exactly where we are, in exactly the circumstances we find ourselves in. The thing to focus on is recovery NO MATTER WHAT. If we do that, we find we can deal with whatever happens on the outside.