Stressed, tired, confused... :-/
Hello all,
I hope everyone is having a lovely SOBER day! My day started at about 4am and I just got home. The reason I was up so early is that I had to go to a physical for the Army National Guard. I have been talking to a recruiter for the ANG for a few weeks now, even before I was totally sober, about joining as a way to get more job skills, go to grad school, and pay off some massive student loans I already have. The problem is that I was also supposed to start training today at Macy's. I got hired last week to work as a "flex" employee for the holidays and maybe after the holiday if needed. The job is a step down from my previous job (also retail) and doesn't pay as much but I have been out of work for five months and desperately needed something. I am nearly broke.
I guess my biggest issue is this : I've noticed that when I'm bored, sitting at home thinking myself into the ground, I am triggered to use because of the free time. On the other hand, whenever I am sober (I've had periods as long as 9 months) I tend to over- extend myself to the point of near exhaustion and then THAT becomes a trigger and I relapse. So either way, I'm not in good shape. I don't know what to do because my issue is obviously finding balance in my life and I'm just not good at that.
I also have a weird problem with lateness. I'm always very early or a bit late to my appointments. I get in trouble for it and resolve to work on it but it's still been a problem.
Bottom line, am I setting myself up for disaster? Is joining the military, even if it's the Guard, a bad idea for me? I'm 29, single, no kids, in debt and almost graduated from college with a psyche degree I can't use unless I go to grad school and get my masters. I'm worried about all these things. When I'm high I don't care but now I'm sober again, one week, and I feel emmensly pressured from within. I know I need to get my life together. I am
About to turn 30 and I feel like I've wasted my life Abd thrown away so many good opportunities because of my drug habbit.
I have respect for the military and I think I could do a decent job of I stay sober but if I don't it will be awful. What do I do here? I need advice! I know people can only offer opinions, and I've gotten a few already, but I need more help. If you can give me feedback it would be awesome.
Thanks all!