Jerect, I don't think there is anything to be embarrassed about. No one here is going to judge you for staying. Many have stayed!! We all understand how hard it to give up on the "dream" of what was, what should of been or what might still be.
In fact, I have stayed against the advice of others. My husband is working a recovery but there are no guarantees. But more importantly, I am working my own recovery. I will make a decision when I get healthier so I can make the best one for me. Not a minute before!! But I do have a back up plan, in case he relapses and goes back to active addiction. I will not live with an active addict again. The results would be the same as an addict: jail, institutions, and death.
Glad you are back and will keep posting.