Hi, Octsober mates.
Day 25. Someone, shoot me.
Originally Posted by
JimJim 
I made it to day 38 or soemthing. There was ntohing that was going to stop me making it to 30 days I was determined to break free. I just did not know what to do when I made that. It was like groundhog day, the lonliness kills me. I really need a job or something, it's not enough to count the days for me.
I need to take action in my llife, I've hit the whiskly pretty hard for the last few eveings, i need to cut it on its head before it turns into morning drinking again. I don't know whatto do. Theres some radiography jobs that have popped up, I need to put all my effort into this sinking career.
I know I can stop, but i need something to stay stopped. I'm not in a position to commit to a serious attempt at stopping i think at the moment. I'm so glad you guys are staying strong.
much love
JimJim, I've been wondering why you are not posting any more. I feel for you, I am in somewhat similar situation. I like being sober, I like having clear head, good sleep and all other benefits that sobriety grants me. But I am not enjoying life. My happiest hour of the day is when I wake up and have my firts cup of coffe, then it's all about waiting for a day to pass without drinking and doing my best to occupy myself and distract from thinking about drinking/sobriety. This 'calm sea" time is damn hard, I understand.
Among other things that keep me afloat (there are actually not many of them - primarily SR) is that I know that it will pass one day. And it will pass for you too. You will find a job, you won't be lonely any more, and will be able to enjoy life again. And the best you can do now is stay sober and use this time to do something that you had no time to do before. Maybe, there is something in your field of work you'd like to study, some books to read, anything.
I know it's hard to enjoy all this when the future is vague and there is nothing constant about tomorrow. But you still have 38 days of sobriety under your belt. You stumbled, it's ok, and it is not a fatal mistake that will automatically ruin all you'd gained. Get on your feet again and go on.
The other day, looking for some inspiration I was reading poems of my favourite writers. There is an extract from Mutability by your country-fellow P.B.Shelly, just for you:
"We rest.—A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise.—One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:
It is the same!—For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man’s yesterday may ne’er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability."
Take care and keep the faith!