I can relate to a lot you said. I was an isolator, still am to some extinct. I think depression can be habbit forming and once the snowball of feeling sorry for ourselves and "woe is me" starts rolling its so hard to stop. You sound depressed. I was depressed too trying to quit drugs/alcohol so I have found a few really good ways that will guarentee you more better days than bad ones. 1) Anti-Depressants 2) Exercise 3) Connect with a higher power/ think about why you do what you do, what is your true purpose here on life? Are you just going through the motions? Thats how I felt until I cut through the BS society distracted me with and all the noise/current events/ trends etc. that distracted me from my true purpose in life and who I really was.