They feel wrong, but I can't rationalize why yet.
Seems to me like that is your gut telling you something. I have usually found after the fact that when I listened to that feeling it protected me.
My heart goes out to you. I have my own painful story and I have gotten where I am with no help (I have no family to help me). It can be done. Sometimes it seems like too high a mountain to climb, but by taking even baby steps forward, somehow you can make it through it all. I hope that you can keep doing what is safe for you and your kids and know that we here at SR are here for you. SR has been a life saver for me. Hang in there.