self-destruction and isolation
Hello. I've been visiting this site off and on for about 6 months but have never posted. I am a 23 year old female alcoholic who has had 3 DUIs. I consider myself pretty intelligent and am currently finishing my degree as an Administrative Assistant. I've been in recovery for over a year now. I moved to a new town over the summer to live with my boyfriend of a yr and a half and have continued my journey. I attend AA meetings regularly to help me stay sober. But I feel myself lately beginning to wither away. I feel truly insane some days. One day I am thankful to the moon and back of my life and everything I've been given and have achieved over this past year and a half and the next day I am questioning why I am even alive. What I could possibly offer to this world of any value. Logically, I know these things are far off. But I get into these feelings of complete despair where I just lose all hope and find it hard to crawl out of my hole. Whatever the case, I am desperate to not have these feelings anymore. I know drinking is always an option but that would mean messing up everything I've worked so hard for, Again. And I'm sure not willing to do that. So then I find myself self-destructing in other ways. Not eating, (I am down to 108 lbs) negative self-talk, isolating myself. I know these things are all contributing to myself feeling worse and I know if I want a change I need to get the **** up and make it happen again. I'm just lost. I need some help/guidance/wisdom. Thanks for listening.